Frog Hunters
by Akiry
Summary: Adapted, written version of p. 5758 (headers) to p. 5775. When Dave is shot whilst hunting for frogs on LOFAF, he wakes up on Derse, still suffering from his wounds.
**Hope you enjoy 3**

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Dave stepped carefully through Jade's land, treading lightly as he tried his hardest to dodge all the puddles and mud patches. Each time he lifted a foot, it came with a sticky, slopping _thtuck_. It was hard enough keeping the frog in his arms from bounding away as it wriggled against him, but doing this in the middle of a marsh? He looked down at his sneakers in dismay. He wished he'd made himself a pair of rain boots.

"Damnit," he muttered, wincing at the sight of his shoes. The red fabric was barely visible under the cake of grime he'd collected on his frog-searching mission, "Egbert can fly. Why the fuck can't I?"

Dragging his attention away from his destroyed sneakers, he spotted Jade a little way off, next to the cage she'd made out of wires and bits of metal she'd found lying around. She scooped a bright orange frog up in her hands and gave its head an affectionate pat. Jade shone in the sunlight; happy and carefree, making the most of their quest. Capturing frogs really was a chore, Dave thought. The scampering things weren't easy to catch. He didn't know how Jade put up with it. Seeing her smiling now, his mind wandered to the ulterior quest at hand. The thought sent a shiver up his spine.

Pushing the thought out of mind, Dave immediately changed his posture; forcing his hunched shoulders to relax and placing his feet firmly on the ground. Only then would he call out to her.

"Hey Jade! Look at this slimy bastard!" with some difficulty, he held up his squirmy frog for her to see, "Did you hear me? I got you a frog, Jade! Hey Jade, I got-"

"Yes, Dave," Jade laughed, turning to him just in time to see him stumble over a root, "You caught a frog. I see her."

"Damn, you're a girl?" Dave asked his frog. It produced a guttural croak, "Sure had me fooled."

Gingerly stepping through the marshland, he made his way over to Jade. He was thankful for his shades. They allowed him to scour the ground for puddles so he could avoid them without being seen doing so. When he got to her, he put the struggling frog in the cage and squatted down to poke at the croaky amphibians through the gaps.

"Damn things are so hard to keep once you've caught them," he complained, "They just will _not_ stop scrabbling and chill out a lil." Really, he was thankful for the quest. Anything to get his mind off of what he knew was going to come.

"Really?" asked Jade, "All the frogs I've caught have been really calm. Maybe they don't like you."

"Don't blame them. I'm not Jade Harley – the amphibian whisperer." He prodded at a bright blue frog through the bars and jumped back when it launched at his finger, producing a flurry of squeals and snorts.

Jade giggled, "Amphibian whisperer?" she echoed. "That should be on the Echeladder. Sure is better than 'Blowsack Scalawag'."

"No way," said Dave, glaring at the blue frog. "'Blowsack Scalawag' has got to be one of the _best_ titles there is. Come on, Jade, it's got so much character."

"Character?"

"Sure," said Dave. He stood up straight, "Like, take the 'Blowsack' part – what does it make you think of?"

"Unfortunately, it makes me…" Jade faltered. Avoiding Dave's glance, she hugged her frog closer to her chest, "It guess it sort of reminds me of…"

"Ball sacks, right?" Dave supplied, "Well it should do. It shows, Jade, that you've got balls. You got guts, see? Spunk. You're daring – you say 'fuck you' in the face of danger. And the 'Scalawag' part? Well, I mean, it's piratey."

"Piratey?"

"Yeah. Shows your passion for adventure and all that jazz. Really, it's miles better than _Amphibian Whisperer_. And you know why? 'Cos I can't think of much worse than trudging around a field, running after some lilypad-hopping, googly-eyed idiots, but here we are."

"I think they're cute," said Jade, and she planted a soft kiss on her frog's head. It let out an affectionate _ribbit_.

"Yeah. Well, you would," said Dave, "You're into all kinds of weird shit."

"Don't listen to him, Eduardo," Jade whispered to her frog. She opened the cage door and settled him down alongside the others, "He's just a mean old bully."

"Okay, let me tell you why that statement you just said is totally wrong," Dave began, but he got no further when he caught sight of Jade's expression.

An air of hostility had taken over her entire countenance. She stared straight past him, eyes wide and teeth gritted. Before he had time to ask what was wrong, she had captchalogued her rifle and was yelling at him to take his own weapon out.

As Dave retrieved his broken sword, he reeled round just in time to see a dark figure emerge from behind the island's volcano. A dropping sensation started in his stomach – like he'd just got into an elevator. He knew whose silhouette it belonged to immediately – Jack Noir.

Jack shot up high above them, soared up to the point where earth met the sky. He scoured the island, turning his snout this way and that. The beast spotted them almost immediately. They stuck out like sore thumbs, really – there were no other humans on the island, after all. With a beating of his wings, Jack soared through the air and landed right in front of them in mere seconds.

Dave found a lump in his throat and swallowed hard. " _This is it,_ " he realised. Sweat already dotting his forehead, he glanced over at Jade, who was in a fighting stance. Couldn't let her get hurt. He was sorry for what he was about to put her through. But there had been no point explaining it all to her beforehand, right? It would have changed the whole situation. Wouldn't it? Dave couldn't help but wonder if he'd made the right choice, not warning her. Worrying about his dirt-trodden sneakers seemed meaningless now.

Jack snarled at them, showing off his fangs. Dave waved his weapon and charged at his enemy, clashing swords with him as Jade open-fired. Dave summoned up his Time powers. A warm feeling in his gut settled in as he propelled himself back in time to just a few moments prior. He saw his past self rush to assault Jack, and he did the same at another angle. Brandishing his sword in an attempt to cut the monster –

Jack swerved just in time to miss the blade's bite, and Dave sent himself back in time again, adding a third Dave to the playing field. None of the extra Dave's lasted long – just a few seconds. Just long enough to take a stab at the enemy. Almost as soon as they appeared, they were absorbed by the alpha Dave.

Jack advanced towards Jade as she struggled to reload. Her hands shook. She could not help but stare into his eyes; white with death. Dave rushed forwards. As his feet beat against the sodden earth his stomach twisted like a wrung towel. He stood in front of Jade and swung at Jack, forcing him backwards. The creature snarled and lunged forwards in attack.

" _This is it,_ " thought Dave, bracing himself. He stood rigid and defenceless. Screwing his eyes shut, he waited for the beast to rack his claws down his chest.

Instead, he felt a heave on his right side and he found himself flailing to the ground. He let his sword go and stuck his hands out to protect himself from the fall. His knees grew wet and gummy, covered in slop from the marsh. Dave whirled his head round to see Jade standing in his place, arms outstretched, machine gun hanging from the strap around her neck; protecting him. In front of her, Jack hovered just above the ground. He lunged at her with his blade raised – a feint. Jade stood her ground. She knew he would not advance any further towards her. Jack roared in her face, but Bec was still under there somewhere; he could not hurt her.

Dave got back to his feet, weary and panting. He watched as Jade gripped her weapon tight and pumped out bullet after bullet. But something was wrong – Jack had turned into a blur. Green electricity danced around him. A fizzing sound was released into the air as he faded in and out of sight. Jade fired at the electric orb Jack had become, and at that same moment, Dave felt a sharp, concentrated pain in his stomach.

A thousand razors seemed to pummel his side and he let out a strangled cry. Jade turned to him in surprise as he fell face-first to the ground. Mud splattered across his cheeks as he struggled to breathe.

He heard Jade gasp. Quickly, she was down on her knees and turning him over onto his back. He spat out blood and writhed where he lay, mud and blood coating his torso as he grabbed at it. The world was growing hot. The air around him a thick blanket he could not shake off. He dug his nails into his palms – tried to concentrate on that pain instead. No use. A flurry of spasms overtook his body, like he was being stung over and over again by a horde of bees.

Jade was a flurry of panicked words. Her sentences started and stopped, picked up in other places; nonsensical. She pushed a hand to his stomach in an attempt to stop the bleeding and the pressure caused Dave to let out a whine.

"Dave – Dave! What do I do?" Jade whimpered, her eyes wet, "Tell me what to do Dave! Please! Go back in time! Going back – will that work?"

"No –" Dave began. Through his eyes, the sky was quickly clouding over. The pain in his side began to numb, and his eyelids fluttered. With quivering fingers, he wiped a tear from her cheek and grimaced at the red trail it left. "Sorry," he managed. The spasms grew weaker by the second.

Soon, his body was limp.

"Dave?" Jade shook him lightly, "Dave?"

Sobs racked through her chest and she clung to Dave's body. She gazed at his face; grimy from the mud and white with shock. "Bec, how could you?" she whispered.

Jack's ears drew back and he hung his head. He floated down to the ground and let out a sorry whine.

"Don't you come any closer," she said. Her voice was feeble and small. Jade turned round to see him approach; paw risen in an effort to calm her.

Heat surged through her as she took in his demeanour. What right did he have to look so ashamed? So remorseful? On shaky legs, she rose to her feet and pointed to the horizon.

"Get lost."

Jack whined pitifully and took a step forward.

"Leave, Bec!" She picked up a rock and lunged it at his shoulder. "Go away!" Her throat was raw as she reached for another. She dropped it – her hands were too sticky to get a proper grip. She picked it up again and threw it – aimed right between the eyes. Jack shook his head to rid himself of the pain.

"Get out of here!" Jade screamed, picking up yet another stone.

Jack spread his wings, launched upwards into flight. He soared away, back over the volcano, and far out of sight. Jade watched him as he left. She dropped the stone back to the ground and turned to Dave, bringing her palms up to her face.

Dave's eyes shot open. As he cast his gaze around him, he absorbed the purple setting in confusion. He struggled to remember the last thing that had happened to him. All he knew was that his head hurt, and he was on Derse.

"Dave?"

He jumped at the calling of his name and whirled around. An almost-familiar figure stood watching him, her brows upturned and her gaze crestfallen. He recognised her at once. He had seen photos of her before, but had never seen her face-to-face.

"Rose." A wide grin formed when he said her name. It suited her perfectly. Delicate features with a hint of thorns.

"What are you doing here?"

With the question posed, it all came flooding back to him. He'd been shot. At once, his chest began to ache, as if all the pain kicked in at once. Dave let out a cry as he hugged himself. He stared down at his torso and watched in horror as blood circle after blood circle began to form, red goo seeping through his clothes.

Dave pressed down on the bullet wounds each in turn, trying to quell the flow, "Shit, shit, shit, shit, _shit_!" His mind began to fog over and he had to get on his knees, then the ground. He lay on the floor, tears streaming down his face as fear bubbled up inside of him, "Not again, not again, shit, shit, not _again_! This shouldn't be happening again!"

Rose raced towards him and knelt by his side, "It's all right," she tried to say soothingly, but there was a distinct wobble in her voice. She ran her fingers through locks of his hair, "You were with Jade, weren't you Dave? Weren't you? Dave? Answer me."

"Yes, yes, I was with – Rose, what's happening? I thought it'd stop."

"Jade will come through," said Rose. She concentrated on making her voice sound as reassuring as possible.

"How do you know that? It hurts, Rose."

"I know, I know," Rose wiped sweat from his brow, "But she'll come through, she will Dave. She'll revive you. She will. You know she will."

Dave found Rose's free hand and gripped it hard. His other hand strangled at his wounds. Rose's face had grown foggy, and he could barely even make out her eyes.

"Rose, stop this," Dave wailed, "Stop this, I don't – I thought – I said I could take it. I can't, Rose."

Rose made soothing sounds as she hugged him close, bringing him up so his head was on her lap. She mumbled to herself, busying her hands by brushing stray locks from his face. "You'll be all right, Dave. Just, be brave."

A pale red, almost pink glow, emitted from Dave's body and Rose let out a sigh of relief. She planted a soft kiss on his forehead and said into his ear, "She pulled through, Dave."

The glow twisted and absorbed his figure. Lights mingled and colours streamed. His wounds were burning white; scorching. As though they were being ripped from his skin, one by one. All at once, he was plunged into darkness.

When he next opened his eyes, he was on the rooftop of his house. Wind ruffled his hair under a deep red sky – an early evening in April, before the world had gone to shit. Thoughts of Jade and bullet holes vanished from his mind. Through pointed shades, he saw his mobile was in his hand. Unconsciously, he moved to select Rose's username.

\- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] –

TG: heres one for you

TG: it's a whopper

TG: are you ready

TT: For what?


End file.
